How Do You Stay Close to People Who Drive You Crazy?

What You’ll Learn

• How to stay connected to people even when their habits and baggage get on your nerves
• Why going it alone spiritually leaves you missing something you were made for
• How to find where your strengths fit in a community that needs you

Introduction

Most of us find it easy to love people from a distance. Up close, with their quirks, opinions and baggage, it gets a lot harder. If you’ve ever wondered whether real connection with people who frustrate you is possible, or whether faith is supposed to be a solo thing, this page offers honest answers from a passage of the Bible written to people asking those same questions.

What does it mean to “live a life worthy” of being called by God?

In Ephesians 4:1, Paul writes from prison: “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.” That can sound like pressure to earn something, but it’s actually the opposite. The first three chapters of Ephesians are all about what God has already done for us: his grace, his forgiveness, his love. The word “then” is Paul’s signal that he’s getting to his main point. Because God has made you his own, here’s how you live. And the description is surprisingly practical: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:2-3). A worthy life isn’t measured by how impressive you are. It’s measured by how you treat the people right next to you.

Why does God care so much about people being united?

In just three verses, Paul repeats one word seven times: “There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all” (Ephesians 4:4-6). The point is that unity doesn’t depend on everyone agreeing about everything. It rests on what God has done and given. The idea goes all the way back to one of the oldest statements of faith in the Bible: “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one” (Deuteronomy 6:4). Paul actually raises the stakes even higher. The unity he describes is meant to mirror the unity of God himself: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. That’s ambitious. But it shows how seriously God takes the way we live together.

Can’t I just believe on my own and skip the people part?

Have you ever heard of an “airport divorce”? A couple arrives at the airport together, splits up to get through it their own way, and meets back up at the gate or even at the destination. One gets to the gate three hours early. The other wants coffee with five minutes until boarding. As appealing as that sounds before holiday travel, it’s not the picture of faith the Bible gives. Faith isn’t “I believe, you believe, see you in heaven.” When someone asked Jesus which commandment mattered most, he answered plainly: love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:29-31). The problem with the Bible usually isn’t that it’s hard to understand. It’s that it’s easy to understand, and once we understand, we’re called to act.

How do you stay united with people who frustrate you?

It’s easy to love people from far away. It’s much harder when everyone brings their own junk to the table. Paul’s answer in Ephesians 4:2 is to “be patient, bearing with one another in love.” That doesn’t mean pretending wrongs don’t matter or that disagreements never happen. It means treating each other as people Jesus Christ died for, people made in the image of God. Unity isn’t kept by avoiding every difficult conversation or separating from everyone who irritates you. It’s kept when people patiently stay with each other through real weaknesses, real differences and real frustrations. That’s why the church is best described as a community of people who keep turning back to God for forgiveness. What a beautiful thing it is to be united by grace and not by what we do.

What happens when one person in a community gets hurt?

The Bible often describes the church as a body: “so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others” (Romans 12:5). Paul also explains that “if one part suffers, every part suffers with it” (1 Corinthians 12:26). When one part of the body hurts, the whole body hurts. So when a community is wounded by division, hostility, gossip, jealousy or bitterness, it isn’t just a problem between two or three people. The whole body suffers. This is why, right before he went to the cross, Jesus prayed for his followers “that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you” (John 17:21). Unity was on his heart at the very threshold of his suffering and death. Our unity doesn’t rest on personality or preference. It rests on the love of Christ, who gave himself for us.

Does God really give gifts to ordinary people?

Yes. Ephesians 4:7 says, “But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.” Not just pastors. Each one of us. According to Ephesians 4:12, God gives these gifts “to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up.” Call it a different kind of bodybuilding. The goal isn’t for everyone to do the same thing. Every part of your body is different, yet all of it serves one goal. In the same way, different people with different gifts work together toward one purpose: inviting people to know Jesus. Not having the same gifts isn’t a problem to solve. It’s the way Christ provides for his people. If you’re wondering where you fit, honestly reflect on three questions: Where has God gifted you to serve others? What needs do you see around you? Where are you passionate about serving?

What if the church isn’t perfect, and neither am I?

Here’s the honest truth: no church is perfect. No pastor is perfect. And you’re not perfect either. The Bible says, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). People in church will disappoint each other, struggle with their differences and sometimes fail to live out the unity they talk about. But your hope was never meant to rest on perfection, yours or anyone else’s. It rests on Jesus Christ, who gave himself for you. He gave himself for sinners, rose from the dead, ascended into heaven, and continues to sustain his people through his word and Spirit. So the invitation is simple: keep the unity he gives, serve each other faithfully, and grow together, so that the whole body builds itself up in love.

Key Scripture

“As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
Ephesians 4:1-3 (NIV)

Paul wrote this letter to early Christians who came from very different backgrounds and didn’t always get along. He’s saying that because God has already loved and accepted us, we can treat one another with humility, gentleness and patience, and do the hard work of staying together instead of drifting apart.