Why Do I Always Feel Like I’m Not Enough?

What You’ll Learn

• Get free from the constant pressure to measure up and compare yourself to everyone else
• Understand what grace really means and why you never have to earn God’s love
• See how even the messiest parts of your story can bring hope to someone else

Introduction

If you’ve ever felt that no matter how hard you try, you’re still not enough, you’re not alone. In this message, Pastor Aaron Hutton of 121 Community Church in Grapevine, Texas, talks honestly about pressure, excuses, and his own fight with depression. He also explains why God’s grace meets us before we have anything figured out.

Why does it feel like I’m never good enough?

Billboards, commercials and social feeds keep telling us we have to look a certain way, buy a certain thing, or be a certain kind of person. Pastor Aaron points out that advertising agencies spend billions of dollars on this because it works. It’s costing us our joy, our hope, our peace and our contentment. Jesus described that kind of loss in John 10:10: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” Sometimes the pressure doesn’t even come from outside, and we end up as our own worst enemies. The Bible calls this being “dead in transgressions” (Ephesians 2:5), which means a life drained by everything that pulls us away from God. That isn’t where the story ends, though. God’s answer to “not enough” isn’t to try harder. His answer is grace.

What does grace actually mean?

Grace is a gift. It’s undeserved favor, God’s own favor showing up in your life. Ephesians 2:4-5 describes it like this: “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions, it is by grace you have been saved.” Look at who’s doing the work in that sentence. God loves you. God is rich in mercy toward you. God makes you alive. You aren’t the one earning any of it. Grace starts with the simple fact that God loves you, and because he loves you, he comes to you with mercy and offers you new life. Pastor Aaron says this really matters, because almost everything else in life tells us we have to earn our worth. Grace says it has already been given.

Why do I keep making excuses for myself?

We’re all really good at excuses. It was my sibling’s idea. I was too tired. I’ll do it later. Everyone else was doing it. Those are cute when a five-year-old says them and a lot less cute at 40, 60 or 80. Pastor Aaron says we’re still giving the same excuses as adults: my parents didn’t raise me right, it’s somebody else’s fault, or even “God, why didn’t you show up the way I needed you to?” Underneath most excuses is a hard truth. We can’t meet God’s standard, so we look for someone or something to blame. Here’s the good news. Because of God’s grace, you don’t need the excuses anymore. Ephesians 2:8-9 says salvation is “not by works, so that no one can boast.” You can’t reach the standard, but by God’s grace, Jesus did.

Is comparing myself to others really that harmful?

When we can’t reach God’s perfect standard, we lower it and measure ourselves against other people. “At least I’m not like them.” “Have you seen that messy family down the street?” Pastor Aaron says comparison is a thief of joy. It keeps the stealing, killing and destroying going. Being a little better than the people around you doesn’t help much if you’re all stuck in the same place. God’s standards are perfect, and not one of us can reach them. The difference grace makes is this: I can’t reach the standard, but there was one who did. Jesus took care of it for me. That’s why Ephesians 2:9 says it’s “not by works, so that no one can boast.” Grace ends the scoreboard. No one gets to look down on anyone else.

Can faith help when you’re struggling with depression?

Pastor Aaron knows this from experience. As a young pastor, he poured everything into his work, was gone most nights, gained 60 pounds and slid into a deep depression. A mentor pushed him to see a counselor, and for a long time he had excuses: “I’m not that bad yet. I’m too busy.” When he finally went, antidepressant medication was exactly what he needed. Later, after a few days without his medication, he fell into an even darker place where he believed life wasn’t worth living. He says it’s only by God’s grace that he’s here today. That grace came through a great psychologist, a counselor, a wife who never gave up on him, and family, friends and a church that wrapped around him. He urges anyone on medication to listen to their doctors. If you’re having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Do I have to get my life together before God will accept me?

No. Pastor Aaron asks: “Do you have to change first? Say the right thing first? See the right doctor, the right counselor, find the right medication?” The answer is that God saves us while we’re still sinners, not after we change. The Bible says, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). That means God shows up while you’re struggling, while you’re depressed, and while you’re hurting and the tears are falling. Jesus told a story about a tax collector who couldn’t even look up and could only pray, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner” (Luke 18:13). When God hears that prayer, he does profound things. Your feelings may say something different, but that doesn’t change what God has already done. Jesus died and rose to save you, forgive you and give you hope.

If I’m saved by grace, does what I do even matter?

It does, but not in the way most people think. Ephesians 2:8-9 is clear that grace is “the gift of God, not by works.” You can be having a terrible day and grace still shows up, because God did the work first. Then verse 10 continues: “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Pastor Aaron points out that this isn’t about deciding to be good today. If we could do that, why wouldn’t we choose it every day? Instead, God has already prepared good things for you to do. Good works don’t earn God’s love. They come out of it. Grace changes you first, and then it sends you out.

What if my story is too messy for God to use?

It’s easy to wish we had somebody else’s story, which is really just comparison again. Pastor Aaron says, “Your story is your story. And God wants to use that.” He calls himself probably “the messiest” pastor in the building, and admits shame still tries to tell him he isn’t good enough. What he leans into instead is that God loves him. Ephesians 2:10 says you are God’s handiwork, created for good works prepared in advance. God’s story interrupts your story and draws you into it, so that you’re prepared to reach the people who need to hear it. You don’t reach them as someone who has it all together. You reach them as someone who knows the pain, knows the hurt, and knows the grace of Jesus.

Key Scripture

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
Ephesians 2:8-10 (NIV)

These verses say God’s love and forgiveness are a free gift, so there’s nothing you can do to earn them and nothing you can do to disqualify yourself. Once you’ve received that gift, God says your life has a purpose he planned ahead of time, and that includes the hard parts of your story.